BLUE FLUX

This drug is the ultimate high, I’m telling you. Depending on the person who takes it, it’s been known to give you the feeling of not only travelling through time and space, but more specifically, travelling into your own past or presumably your future. Although heart attack and stroke are common side effects, the theory is that it’s not the drug that causes these problems, but your body’s inability to handle such realistic time travel. They say it’s like controlling your dreams, really. Once you’ve inhaled the proper dosage, you can control which way you want to go, forward or back.

A 35 year old male suffered a severe heart attack because, according to him, he’d "gone too far ahead, to the year 2042, where mankind had de-evolved into large, hissing lizards, tearing at the eyes of the dead."

One woman who’d always wanted to relive her fifth birthday took the drug and apparently went too far back. When the paramedics found her, she was on the floor of her apartment in a fetal position and has yet to regain consciousness.

On the street, it’s known as Blue Flux or simply Flux, and demand has gone through the roof. Now that a congressional act was pushed through giving the FDA more power, it’s impossible to get the pure form of Flux off the streets anymore. Unfortunately, an FDA-approved sugar additive called Septinol, which is the main hallucinogen in Flux, is also the main ingredient in the popular breakfast cereal Blue Demons.

We’re still fighting the FDA to get it taken off the shelves.

Who would’ve thought that the greatest drug epidemic in history would be started by General Mills.




-SLL