Friday, August 1, 2008

UNHEIST 2

     What, do you think this place isn’t insured? I mean, sure, they got wall-to-wall action figures and comic books and role playing shit, but you can bet your sweet ass that every bit of that geeky shit is insured. And if you think that insurance company knows the difference between ‘mint’ and ‘near mint,’ you’re sadly mistaken. Okay, say the Overstreet Price Guide claims that “New Mutants #1” is worth $125.00 mint.

     Actually, it’s only worth $80.00 mint.

     Fine. $80.00 mint. The one copy these mutherfuckers have, wrapped in mylar, has been in the window and is probably sun-damaged as hell. It’s what? ‘Good’ at best.

     Depends on how bad the cover is. If it’s just bleached out, it’s probably considered ‘very good.’ Or ‘fair.’ Really depends on the condition inside.

     And do you really think these assholes are going to report ‘fair’ or ‘very good’ condition to the insurance company? That’s a $30-40 loss to the store, right?

     Maybe more, depending on the condition inside.

     The store will report . . . $80.00 you said?

     Yeah, $80.00.

     An $80.00 loss because that’s information the insurance company won’t be privy to. You see?

     Yeah. I still don’t know. Doesn’t seem right, ripping off a comic shop.

     Sure, I dig you, Sal. Though I’ve got to say, your boys played you up to be the comic book king. So, don’t mind me if I’m taken aback, you know? They really said you’d be up for this, but that’s alright. That’s cool. To be honest, you were just one name on a long list. You don’t want to do it, that’s cool with me. We’ll just call up what’s-his-name. Bill. Yeah, Bill will do this, no question. But don’t you worry about it, Sal. Really.

     Bill??!? Are you sure?

     Sure, sure. Sal, I have to say this. Seriously. I admire your whatever. Your . . moral compass.

     Listen, Neil, I don’t feel right about doing this, but if it’s between me and Bill, I guess you can count me in.

     You’re sure? ‘Cause you’re our first choice.

     Yeah, sure. Why not, right? I mean, since they’re insured and all.

     To the gills, Sal. To the gills.

     Almost like we’re doing them a favor by doing this.

     Exactly, Sal. Welcome aboard.  




-SLL 

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