ACHE SOMETIMES AND SWELL

     I spent the day at work listening to "Grandma’s Hands," crying. My headphones keep the deafening sounds of folding machines and address printers and paper cutters at bay somewhat. I have neither the spending money nor the inclination to purchase an iPod. Fuck that. This circa 2001 Sony CD player is fine. The compilation CD I pop in has a live version of a few Bill Withers songs on it, but none of them has the effect on me that "Grandma’s Hands" does.

     It’s a busy day and whereas normally I pick a CD that I can listen to all the way through to make the day go by faster, I hear "Grandma’s" once and put it on repeat for the next seven hours. Tears build up by the time she "soothes the unwed mother." An uneasiness fills my stomach when he describes how her hands ache and swell. By the time he sings, "but I don’t have Grandma anymore," I’m a fucking puddle on the floor.

     And just when I’ve wiped the tears away and composed myself, it starts all over again.

     Each time my boss comes down to see how it’s going, I hide my face into the computer or the addressing machine, give out a quick "Cool, cool" and try not to let her see me sobbing.

     And no matter how many times it repeats, I can’t keep the tears away.

     In my head, I tell myself I’m making up for not being able to cry at both my grandmothers’ funerals. But I know the truth. As much as this song reminds me of them, it’s not that at all. Bill Withers is just a Goddamned genius.

 

-SLL