SIQUE'

That new restaurant Sique’ just opened up down the street. The buzz has been going on for months. Everyone wants to get into this place. Reservations are next to impossible. Only the rich, famous or notable are allowed in opening night. But then again, only the rich, famous or notable could afford it. Appetizers start at $50.

Local entrepreneur Alexi Girard, best remembered for his WhizBang clothing line for the mentally retarded, conceived of Sique’ during a bout with food poisoning. While he cursed the bistro that had undercooked his veal over his toilet, his loopy mind envisioned a place where patrons came to the restaurant knowing in advance that the food they consumed would make them violently ill. As long as he covered his ass with the right legal team and made sure that each customer signed a three page document holding themselves 100% responsible for future medical bills, he would be in the clear.

Sure, people scoffed and ridiculed and protested, but nothing Girard ever did went without controversy. His DangerLand amusement parks were a big hit with the masochistic set, and although EuroDangerLand never saw its full potential, he still saw a growing profit margin (in hindsight, he blamed its closing on a lackluster marketing campaign that completely skipped over Germany).

Sique’ was simply the next step.

In the first week, the in-house defibrillator was being used in such a rapid succession that it broke down. Word is that by week two he had furnished each booth with one.

A local food critic was quoted as saying, "though the uncooked brisket is tough to get down, its elegance is greatly achieved when it comes back up."

By month’s end, there were three deaths attributed to Sique’. In fact, the more famous the deceased, the longer the line got to get in the place.

When asked by a local paper about the deaths, Girard said, "Well, we don’t serve to children. These are adults. Adults who know what they’re getting into when they arrive. Someone once said, ‘Food is life.’ Well, I believe the opposite is also true. To die at Sique’ is the ultimate dining experience."




-SLL