POWDER BLUE

     Mr. Powder Blue walks towards me on the pier, meeting up with me on the iceberg. Of course he’s wearing that same powder blue tux, complete with matching cape and top hat. Shit, those lapels are wide. Where and when did you die? At a Mexican wedding in 1974? Guy has all the power in the universe and he can’t even change his costume. Nice cummerbund, you fag.

     "What do you need?" I ask. "Look, I gotta’ Trig final tomorrow and every time you drag me to this place, I wake up with a huge headache and I’m no good for the rest of the day."

     "Then I shall be brief, little one. The universe is in great peril," he says in that gay, breathy way he says everything.

     "You always say that, man." Jesus, my eyes are really heavy.

     "Heed my words, young warrior. This could be the greatest danger we have ever faced. One that we may not be able to overcome."

     "You know what? Why don’t you just find somebody else to do your bullshit from now on?"

     "But . . ." It’s the only time I’ve ever seen him this close to speechless. "You are the only mortal that I can channel. We are compatible."

     Fuck me. I think I’ve had this conversation with him before. Take it to the hoop, Godammit.

     "Well, guess what, powder blue. Get me a transfer ‘cause I’m out of here, got it?"

     I start walking away from him. As I get to the edge of the pier, I hear him calling my name. I don’t even turn around.

     "I beg of you, child. Please, stop! Without you, everything we know is at risk of vanishing forever!"

     "Well, you should’ve thought of that before you picked a high school kid as your fucking minion. The prom is next week and the universe is gonna’ have to take a backseat to Teffany Stover’s giant tits. I’m bustin’ a nut on that shit like you wouldn’t believe."

     I make myself wake up.

     That’s when the universe collapses in on itself.




-SLL