Saturday, January 19, 2008

PRIVATE SECTOR

                Don Boondoggle was “forced,” as he claims, into crimefighting because of a series of events that “pushed him over the line.”

     In the span of a week, his mother passed away due to surgical neglect, his car was broken into, his luggage which he had packed to see her in the hospital was stolen, he lost his job and, to top it all off, his cat ran away.

     Boondoggle had also claimed that his cat, Pickles, had told him for many months that there was a life-changing event coming down the pike – an event that would make him a better person in the long run, regardless of how many bad things happened along the way.

     Boondoggle christened himself Private Sector and put together a slap-dash costume consisting of found objects in his closet.  Among the items were an old Army trenchcoat he’d gotten at a surplus store years before, his father’s combat boots that he’d used in Vietnam, camo pants and an orange hunting jacket.  He’d also fashioned black curtains from a thrift store into a makeshift mask and cowl.

     His arsenal of weapons included nun-chucks, a Bowie knife and two Glock pistols.

     He patrolled the neighborhood where his luggage was stolen (East Giffen) for a number of days until he came across two men who were wearing what Boondoggle claimed were his clothes from said luggage – a red t-shirt with an iron-on transfer that read “Kinfolk” and a black tee from Rush’s “Signals” tour.  According to witnesses, Boondoggle confronted the men, asking them where they had gotten the t-shirts.  When they brushed him off, he whipped “Kinfolk” across the face with the nun-chucks and put three bullets into the right leg of “Signals.”  When they were found, both of their shirts were missing.

                If you come across Private Sector, we recommend extreme caution.  Sources in the Boondoggle family suggest talking to him with a series of meows, as Pickles was the only person on this Earth that he would respond to.



-SLL

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