HAS-BEEN

What about that washed-up actor?  What’s his name? 

Pearly Baines? 

No!  Ac-TOR!  Ac-TOR!  Did I say ac-TRESS?  A guy!  You know!  What’s-his-name.  Did those cowboy/sci-fi/fantasy/horror/ flicks in the 70’s. 

T. Allen Cooch?  M. Davis Vines?  L. L. Sherman? 

No, Goddammit!  It wasn’t one of those initialized actor doofuses! 

Ratheon Diggs? 

No, no, NO!  White.  More Jewish. 

Ira Greenbaum? 

Too Jewish.  You remember.  This guy did that sci-fi/fantasy crap in the 70’s.  The, the, the “Xenoman” trilogy!  That’s it.  “Xenoman!” 

I’ve never heard of that! 

You’ve NEVER see the "Xenoman" movies? 

No.  Should I have? 

That’s blasphemy!  Jesus!  You work in this business and you’ve seen “Xenoman?”  Even the shitty TV spin-off? 

Nope. 

That’s like saying you’ve never seen any of the “Dead Gods” movies. 

Haven’t seen those either.  Sorry. 

God.  How old are you? 

22. 

Fuck, I’m old.  Well, I want the guy from “Xenoman.” 

What else might he have been in? 

Oh, schlock, teeny-bopper crap.  I think he was in those invisible dog movies. 

“Ghost Mutt?” 

Yeah, sure.  He was the voice of “Ghost Mutt.” 

Oh my GOD!  My parents took me to see all of those movies when they came out!  Every sequel, the day they came out! 

Okay, so, what’s his name? 

Hud Gamble!  I think that’s it. 

Right, right!  Hud Gamble!  “Xenoman’s” Hud Gamble!  Well, get his agent on the phone, and if he doesn’t have an agent, see if he’s still alive and get him to do it for scale.  I’m going to jumpstart Xenoman’s career!




-SLL