HERCU-HAIR

Wow!

My new hair has really turned my life around!  Before Hercu-Hair came into my life, I was a big pile of nothing!  The biggest pile you could conceive of.  Seriously, I meant nothing to nobody, especially myself.  But once I applied the Hercu-Hair formula to my scalp, I knew I could be a god.  Now my hair is as thick as shag carpet, Jungle Room-style.  There’s a mouth on my dong every five minutes!  It gives me the confidence to split the skulls of the weak and bury my face into the great galactic muff!  The power I feel with Hercu-Hair can only be compared to the greatest superconductor in the greatest Communist block country circa 1982.  The breeze no longer mocks me with its dulcet voice saying. “Freeze, skinhead!”  Now I feel it whip through my steel locks as I shake my bloody fist in anger towards the sky!  And when I died, Hercu-Hair kept my brain active long enough for me to separate my head from my body and live on inside this fishbowl.  No matter what comes my way - famine, supernovas, Mister Belvedere marathons – I can always count on Hercu-Hair to stay bouncy and erect, full of killing power.  My hair will find a way to stop time.




-SLL