The Pause that Nauseates (171)

it felt like an eternity.
It felt like Fore-fucking-ever.
he waited, trembling but focused
Calm but panicked
it was too early
while he was planning it, he hadn't let his cooler head prevail.
he thought that it was time.
but it was too early-
or was it?
if he could do it, then there was no reason that he had to be alone.
logically, the odds were just as great that his timing had been perfect.
though, if it had been he would not be stuck in this wormhole of silence and despair.
the silence had gone on far too long for him to get what he wanted.
there simply was no way that this would end well.
he could feel his hair turning white.
he could feel his fingernails growing, his heart stopping, his organs all failing.
he could feel his eyes begin to water.
this had happened to him so many times before.
he told himself that he was used to it, but he wasn't
it was just as terrible as the first time,
every time.

he stood there for days.
hours.

years.

cities crumbled under the weight of themselves as he waited.

humanity destroyed itself and began to rebuild.

he stood there, realizing his mistake, wondering if he'd made a mistake, hoping he hadn't made a mistake.

again.

"I love you."

it was too soon.