MOTEL HECK

     The twisted, sadistic caretaker of Motel Heck won’t let his guests check out without them paying the ultimate price.  He wears a giant elephant mask while taunting them with talk of Creationism.  He violently goes online and lowers their credit scores.  What’s worse is what he does to their IRAs.  He has several trust funds buried face-up in the backyard.  And at night, you can hear the shrieks of those whose stocks were cashed out while they were still only at $1 a share.

     Oh, the screaming and moaning of those whose lives were so full of promise and positive family values.

     Some say it’s Nixon back from the dead.  Others speculate that it’s Ross Perot gone completely insane.  But whoever it is behind the elephant mask, they’ve got a sick, sick grudge that they’re carving into the pockets of the huddled masses of Motel Heck.

-SLL