FOPPISH LIMEY BANTER

Heel, Jonesy!  Heel!  Shite!

He’s not a very smart dog, is he?

No, he’s bloody well not.  Have you got a dog here?

God, no!  I hate dogs!  Despise them.

 

Why are you here then?

 

Well, it’s a good way to meet people.  And actually I don’t fancy them very much either.

 

So, let me get this straight.  You attend dog and kennel shows . . .

 

Oh, I wouldn’t miss one!

 

. . . to be surrounded by dogs and people you can’t stand?

 

Well, I’ve met you.  And you seem to be upping my averages.  On the people side, at least.

 

I’m Lucrecia.

 

Lucrecia?!?

 

Yes.

 

Bit of an odd name, isn’t it?

 

I don’t know.  What’s your name?

 

Hubert.

 

Hmmm.  Yes, my name must seem quite unusual to a punter named Hubert.

 

Steady on.  Hubert was my father’s name and my grandfather’s name before him.

 

Well, Lucrecia was my great grandfather’s name.  So, there!  Lineage doesn’t make your name any less unusual than mine, Hubert.

 

Alright.  Fair enough, then.  Look, I’ll just be sulking under this German Shepherd’s hind quarters to hide my shame, if you don’t mind.

 

Don’t mind at all.  Fitting, I’d say.

-SLL