Wednesday, October 31, 2007


On the sidewalk in front of Cecil Burger lies their competitor’s mascot, Jolly Roger, beaten within an inch of his life. Blood pours out of his head, the oversized pirate hat having fallen into the street. The green, plastic parrot stapled to his left shoulder is barely holding on. As Jolly Roger scrapes his fingernails against the pavement, grasping out, hoping someone will help him, the door of Cecil Burger opens. Sheriff Cecil, a larger-than-life cowboy cliché, complete with oversized boots, chaps, vest and ten gallon hat, brandishes a lasso as he exits his restaurant. His red, white and blue outfit lights up with tiny, flashing strobe lights while he hog-ties Jolly Roger where he lies, facedown. After an impressive seven second hog-tying, the Sheriff lets out a "yee-haw," then celebrates by urinating on the pirate.

Rain pours down and mixes with blood and urine, the whole concoction finding its way down into a nearby sewer grate.

Sheriff Cecil zips up and pulls his hat down hard onto his head, admiring his handiwork as the mascot from Dante’s Bar-B-Que, decked out in a blood-red devil costume, creeps up behind him with a sharpened pitchfork in his dark hands.



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