SIPPY CUP

     I’m the bass player for one of the world’s foremost rock bands and I don’t any pussy. Hell, I started this band and I don’t even get the slightest recognition. I mean, the name "Sippy Cup" was my idea. Yet even the roadies get more play than me on tour. What is that shit? I practically sign the checks. Still, the lead singer gets more throw-away poon than I’ve had in my entire lifetime.

     I used to think the whole shying-away-from-the-spotlight thing was pretty cool. But then "Genocide Baby" hit #1 and we went global. I wrote that fucking song, yet everybody flocks around this dick like he'd found the cure for AIDS. Don’t get me wrong, I like Clyde. He’s the perfect frontman and he’s even a nice guy, but c’mon! I wrote the song that propelled us from Wisconsin dive bars to the Goddamn Budokan and what do I ask in return? A one-night stand. Singular. I’ve got the songwriting royalties, the heated driveways, the weekend flights to Amsterdam. Shit, I own an island, for Christ's sake! All I really want is to get laid on tour. Just once! I mean, all I want is for some 19 year old to throw herself at me. And not out of pity, not as a consolation prize. I want that one girl to jump on the tour bus and go, "Frank, you are the fucking heart and soul of this band and I want your penis in my vagina right now!"

     Okay, I wouldn’t want her to say it like that, exactly. That sounds kinda’ disgusting. I just want a Frank groupie, that's all. Just once.  But, you know what? Nobody wants to fuck the bass player. Except maybe that tool from Winger.




-SLL