PRESTON'S AUTO OASIS

"So, what can I do to get you in this car today?"

"I don’t know." It’s a little out of my price range."

"It runs on sperm."

"Excuse me?"

"Excuse you! This car. It runs on sperm."

"Human sperm?"

"Of course human sperm, ya’ numbnut! What other sperm is there?"

"Well. Pretty much any male species of animal."

"Look, I’m not some male animal species doctor or anything . ."

"A biologist."

"Whoa! Enough of the balloon juice, prof, I’m just trying to sell you a car here."

"Oh, c’mon! This thing really runs on sperm?"

"Hey! Hey! Do I look like a ballerina?"

"No."

"’Cause I ain’t dancin’, am I?"

"No."

"Do you see me dancin’?"

"No, I said!"

"Then, what’s the problem?"

"Ballerina?!!?"

"Why don’t you take it for a test drive?"

"Ummmmm . . ."

"Go ahead! Get in!"

"Oh, fine!"

"Huh? Smooth leather seats, sure-grip steering wheel, global positioning system. Runs on 100% sperm."

"Okay, I don’t know."

"Just stay in there! Look, you start her up, the dong hose shoots straight out, grabs the wang, jerk, jerk, jerk, you’re good for 200 miles minimum!"

"Seriously?"

"Listen, I own two of these little beauties myself. When the wife ain’t puttin’ out, on the rag or whatever, nag, nag, nag, squawk, squawk, squawk, I take a spin. It’s man’s best friend, I’m telling you. Except not a dog, which doesn’t even have a dong hose."

"No, honestly. I think this is a little too much for me to take right now. I’m a little uncomfortable to be honest."

"Just start her up, you pussy!! What, you think you’re too good for her? Afraid you’re not man enough?"

"Oh, I’m man enough!"

"Then put your penis where your mouth is, twinkles!!"

"Fine! Fine!! There! Are you happy? Whoa!!!"

"Hold on, don’t fight it! Let the dong hose do its job!"

"Holy mother of . . . oh. Oh! Oohhhhhh! Don’t look at me! Don’t you fucking look at meeeeeee! Oh, oh, oh!! Gah! GAH!! GAAAHHHHHH!!! Gooooooo-Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"Atta’ boy! Now, just unlock the passenger side and we’ll take her around the block."

"Uh, can you just give me a few minutes?"

"Sure, sure. Just recline the seat back there. Oh, and by the way, I’ve got another guy coming in to look at this particular model, so I don’t want to rush you or anything, but . . ."

"Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z."

"Oh, Preston, you’ve still got it."




-SLL