LOOPY LASSOS

You wanna’ Lasso?

Naw, that shit rots yer’ teeth.

So what? Yer’ the one drinkin’ Bang Pop!

Okay, that’s not the real reason I don’t eat Loopy Lassos.

What? You diabetic or somethin’?

Naw, I’m not . . . look, if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. Just fergit it, alright?

No! Now I wanna’ know. Why don’t you eat Loopy Lassos?

Fergit it, okay?

It’s just licorice! You allergic to licorice?

It’s not that, man. Loopy Lassos're made by the Dee-Lux Corporation, okay? Look on the bag. On the back.

Alright. So?

So, the Dee-Lux Corporation is a subsidiary of Luxor. You know what Luxor is?

No.

You know what? I can tell you already don’t believe what I’m sayin’, so let’s just let it go.

No. No! What’s Luxor?

Okay, Luxor’s an independent defense contractor. They make smart bombs. Missile systems that think for themselves and hit targets whether mission control is still up or not. Real Terminator type shit.

What the fuck does that have to do . . ?

I’m getting’ there! The Lux division of Dee-Lux implants microscopic transmitters into one out of every seven Loopy Lassos. These transmitters break down into yer’ bloodstream and keep track of you everywhere you go for the rest of yer’ life. So, if you wanna’ government agency keepin’ tabs on you, eat another Lasso, fer’ all I care.

Gah, yer’ so fulla’ shit, man. I’m outta’ here.

Knew you wouldn’t believe me.




-SLL