FAB & GUNNER in "THE HAIR BEAR BUNCH"

GUNNER – You know what really pisses me off?

FAB – No.  What?

GUNNER – The Hair Bear Bunch.

FAB – The Hair Bear Bunch.

GUNNER – Yeah!

FAB – The 70’s cartoon, The Hair Bear Bunch.

GUNNER – Yeah!

FAB – That’s what pisses you off.

GUNNER – Yeah.  The Hair Bear Bunch really pisses me off!

FAB – Okay, I’ll bite.  What pisses you off exactly?

GUNNER – What doesn’t piss me off about the Hair Bear Bunch?  That’s the question!  I mean, why was it even called The Hair Bear BUNCH?

FAB – Well, I don’t know.  Why not call it The Hair Bear Bunch?

GUNNER – First of all, it was only three bears.

FAB – And?

GUNNER – So, why call it a bunch?  I mean, when did you ever buy a bunch of bananas that were less then five at least?

FAB – I don’t eat bananas, so I wouldn’t know.

GUNNER – Trust me.  A bunch isn’t three.  Three could barely be considered a “group.”  Three isn’t even a good number for a rock band.  Doesn’t work, man!

FAB – Rush has three people in it.  And Cream.  That was three.  Emerson, Lake & Palmer, Presidents of the United States of America, three.

GUNNER – My point is that why call it a bunch if it’s only three? 

FAB – Alliteration.

GUNNER – What?

FAB – Alliteration.  Bear Bunch.  That’s probably why.  Or maybe they didn’t want to call it The Hair Bear Group.

GUNNER – Okay, so why are they called The HAIR Bear Bunch?  Only one of the bears had a substantial amount of hair.

FAB – You’re talking about the one with the crazy afro.

GUNNER – Yeah.  The crazy afro.

FAB – Maybe he had enough for the whole bunch.  I don’t know.

GUNNER – See, it just pisses me off, that’s all.

FAB – You do realize that there’s a war on.  People are dying needlessly everywhere and the only thing that you can get pissed about is a Saturday morning cartoon from the early 70’s.

GUNNER – Yeah?

FAB – A Hanna-Barbera cartoon that even Hanna-Barbera dismiss as a blotch on the good name of an already shitty, second-rate cartoon company.

GUNNER – Yeah.

FAB – A cartoon that, aside from you and me and maybe two fan sites worldwide, nobody remembers.  That’s what you’re pissed about.

GUNNER – Well, when you put it that way, I guess I’m not as pissed as I thought.

FAB – You know what you should be pissed about?  We’re out of Tab.

GUNNER – Shit!  Really?  Goddammit!

FAB – Yeah.  Rage against THAT machine for a while, my friend.




-SLL