Thursday, February 7, 2008


Well, Mr. Rivkin, that’s not how we give out our grants.  I’m sorry.


Wait.  Wait.  Just give me one good reason why I’m not getting this grant.


Actually, I’ll give you three.  One, you’ve made it perfectly clear that all of the grant money, should you receive it, would go to the research and development of your crazy robotic plants, which would be used for the purposes of destroying public property, kidnapping, settling scores, etc.




Two, we don’t condone anyone using the grant money for evil purposes because, three, this is a creative writing grant.  We want people who are passionate about writing, not passionate about giant, metal Venus fly traps that crash into banks in order to rob them.  Do you understand?


I think I see what you mean.  So, if I write about this after I do it . . . kind of like a memoir?


Just don’t build the robots, Mr. Rivkin.


But if I write about the robots . . .


Don’t build the robots.


Okay, yes.  I see what I need to do.


You’re, uh . . . you’re not getting the grant.



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