MONITOR DUTY

What’s this button do?

Red Razor’s personal signal beacon.  Don’t ever press that.

Why not?

‘Cause he’s a stone, cold prick, that’s why not.

What if we need him?

We don’t ever really need him.  He’s part of the old guard of the Freedom Committee.  He just shows up when he wants.

Then why is this button here then?

Why are Cheezits better than Cheese Nips?  Don’t ask why!  Just because.

I just don’t get why you’d have a button . . .

Look, rookie, you’re on monitor duty because you don’t know high-ditty shit about crimefighting yet, okay?  And being as such, there’s a few things you’ll learn along the way.  Don’t ever ask Silver Rocket about Silver Maiden.  Don’t even think about teaming up with the Lemming when you’re up against the Army of Evil.  And don’t, under any circumstances, press that Goddamned button, you understand?

Yeah.  Okay.

Great.  Any other questions?

Um . . . what does this other button do?

You know what, don’t press that one either.

Why not?

Oh, God, I need a scotch.  You want anything?

A scotch?  It’s not even noon.

Great.  You get a Tab then.

-SLL