THE DECLINE OF WESTERN BEAUTIFICATION

Windswept hair and white teeth and all the hip clothes in the world couldn’t help Darren become any less dead when the hail of bullets ripped through his suped-up Cadi.  All of the #1’s awarded for ‘Hottest Bod,’ ‘Sexiest Newcomer’ or ‘Nicest Ass’ in all of the gossip rags over the past year of his quick incline were null and void once his heart stopped beating.  Certainly his greatest trait – those drop-dead baby blues – was on display before the coroner arrived.  They stared straight up into the sky, which was barely matched by their radiance.  That tight six-pack does him very little good either.  Luckily the $290 button down he wore didn’t clash with the bullet holes and all the blood that gushed from it.  Wow, there was a lot of blood.  Oh, what a waste.  Not of talent.  God, no.  His most important trait.  His beauty.  Shit, I hate the fact that the ugly people have another victory under their belts.  They haven’t won yet, Darren.  I swear to you.  It’s time to do something drastic.  Like firebomb another DMV or a Denny’s.

-SLL