PUNCH BUG

     Judd invented "punch bug." That’s the first thing he’ll tell you about himself when you meet him. There’s a long, convoluted story about how he came up with the idea in the ‘70s when there was an abundance of VW’s on the road. He used to do it to have an excuse to punch the snot out of his sister on long car trips. That’s what he’ll tell you. But the whole "no punchbacks" thing wasn’t his. He'll make sure to make that perfectly clear. And he’ll give a really retarded reason why. It’s so retarded that I don’t even want to get into it. Just wait ‘til you meet him. You’ll wish you hadn’t.

     Oh, and "psyche" was his as well. You know when you offer somebody something, then pull it away and yell, "psyche?" His. The old "offer-the-hand-then-brush-your-hair-back-with-said-hand?" His. And I can’t forget the whole "kissing-the-windshield-when-you-zip-under-a-yellow-light" thing. That’s also his. He has a really laborious origin for how that came about.

     If he ever tells you one of these things, he’ll sure as hell tell you all of them. And that’s not even a quarter of the things he’ll lay claim to. You could have encyclopedic knowledge of these strange customs, documented, notarized papers with you. Doesn’t matter. He’ll find a way to make them his babies.

     And it’s not just these claims that wrinkle my ass. It’s the fact that he will go on for hours, even days, whining about how he’s owed something for coming up with this unimportant bullshit. He honestly believes that people should not only acknowledge his as the creator of this crap, but that they should pay him royalties every time they add "in bed" to a fortune cookie fortune or play table-top football with one of those triangular pieces of paper. Yes, these are also Judd’s.

     If we ever see him walking down the street or at some party, I’ll point him out. You can’t miss him. He’ll be the one wearing the beanie.




-SLL