THE QUIT BULLYING CAMPAIGN

     The "Quit Bullying Campaign" wasn’t working.
     Scientists had discovered that there was a chemical in the average bully’s brain that forced him to bully other kids. The chemical, known as onomyn, could be altered to make them more docile with the help of a new wonder drug called Onomax. The FDA approved it and soon every rolly-polly thug in elementary school was force-fed the drug whenever an unnecessary fight broke out or a high school band member complained that his lunch money had been stolen. The "Quit Bullying Campaign" seemed to be going swimmingly. Most bullies were actually becoming friends with the kids they had previously tortured. Apart from the occasional side effect (most common: drooling, night terrors, constipation and nosebleeds), Onomax was transforming the schoolyard dynamic. And because of that, the docile, former-bullies were being picked on by just about every weakling in school. As the epidemic grew and bullies were pushed harder and harder, Onomax began having a previously unseen side effect: ultra-violence. Across the nation, chess club presidents and show choir sopranos were being wedgied to the point of internal bleeding. Math whizzes were tossed out of windows and pencil-neck geeks were being stabbed in the eyes with their own protractors.
     The "Quit Bullying Campaign" was shelved, while the pharmaceutical company that manufactured Onomax filed for bankruptcy. But not before unleashing a new drug on the world. Called Stryvo, the new, muscle-enhancing, non-steroid was aimed at the weaker population, hoping that the geeks would eventually inherit the earth.




-SLL