FAB & GUNNER in "ART"

FAB – Is it ironic that a man named Art owns the biggest abortion of a gallery in town?

GUNNER – I’m not following your logic.

FAB – Look around! Have you seen a more haphazard selection of so-called masterpieces in your life?

GUNNER – Why you gotta’ knock this place? What do you got against Art anyway?

FAB – I just don’t think you should have an art gallery with mobiles hanging in it. Who considers mobiles art? Not me, that’s who!

GUNNER – But they’ve got a genuine Plicasso right here. His silhouette, bullfighter period? This shit is rare.

FAB – Okay, A) it’s spelled "Picasso." And B), I don’t think the real Picasso used human feces in his silhouettes.

GUNNER – I don’t know. Whoever it is, the guy really knows bullfighting.

FAB – Don’t glom over this, Gunner! Art’s gallery is a complete bastardization of everything real art galleries stand for!

GUNNER – Then why are we here?

FAB – Free wine. Oh, and that catering chic is pretty dreamy. You know her, right?

GUNNER – Went to school with her.

FAB – Name again?

GUNNER – Muriel Prex.

FAB – Ugh. Two strikes. Nice helmet, though. Wonder if she’s got a matching toilet seat.

GUNNER – She is way out of your league, junior.

FAB – Shit! Is that Art over there?

GUNNER – Uh, yeah.

FAB – Let’s hide behind this turd sculpture of the baby Jesus! C’mon!

GUNNER – I’m not hiding! Oh! Hi, Art!

ART – Hey, Gun. Where’s Fab?

GUNNER – Oh, he’s behind the baby Jesus turd.

ART – Hey, Fab! Like the gallery?

FAB – Yeah! Hey, Art. Wow, you know? This is a lot of . . . of shit here. This Jesus thing.

ART – Yeah. Yeah, it is. I didn’t really thing you were an appreciator of the arts.

FAB – Well, anything involving poo, you know.

ART – Yeah. Stay out of trouble, you two. And make sure to try this Brie. De-lish.

GUNNER – ‘Kay! See ya’, Art.

FAB – Okay, now I just feel dirty. Lemme’ ask Muriel for her number and we can get the Hell outta’ here.

GUNNER – Fab, she’s a lesbian.

FAB – God, why are all the chics with the biggest ghetto onions lesbians?

GUNNER – Um, Fab, there is no God.

FAB – Oh, that’s riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!




-SLL