CAUTION, CHILDREN

     My theory is that it happened sometime last night, although I’ll never know for sure and I guess the "whys" and "wheretofors" aren’t nearly as important as getting the fuck out of this town at this very moment.

     I drive west to see how far this thing encompasses. So far, I’m the only car on the road and that ain’t a good thing. Any cars I happen to notice are either parked or crashed headlong into the most odd shit I’ve ever seen: houses, cornfields, grain elevators. No drivers, just cars. As if people were picked out up out of the universe and tossed into a giant basket. If I believed in God, I’d say it was the Rapture. But I don’t , so I have to say it ain’t. Besides, if what I know about that shit is supposedly true, there would be at least one other person around here. And I’m sure God would’ve taken the kids. They’re all still here. Them and me. But that’s all I’ve seen, no matter where I look. Nothing but children playing ball in the streets, wandering around in gangs, busting windows, stealing worthless shit. Every once and a while I have to swerve to keep from hitting one that’s taken a joyride in a car they never learned to drive. All I hear when I have to window down is the yelping, hooping and hollering of these bastards on every street corner, occasionally from a few of the tear-streaked joyriders who haphazardly smash into a telephone pole or (my favorite so far) the carload of kids who tried to tail me on the way out of town. The police cruiser they found the keys to was going too fast to properly brake before they went off that bridge.

     Fuck ‘em. That’s how kids learn, I say.

     I turn off the radio, sick of hoping that I’ll hear some sort of news about this. Any radio stations have been taken over by them. Once they learned how to work the thing, it’s nothing but fart noises, giggles and a steady stream of whatever curse words they’ve learned in their short years on Earth. I’ve got to admit. It is relatively entertaining for the first two minutes or so, but no amount of levity could keep me from worrying about how far this thing goes.

     After three hours on the road with no adult in sight, I realize it’s going to get worse before it gets better. My mind races with the prospect of this fucked, pre-pubescent world. What caused it? Has my hatred for children come back to haunt me? Have I died already? Is this Hell? And it this is really happening, how long can it honestly last? With no police, no fire department, no doctors, not even the Maytag repairman, how long can this society survive? I think about all the newborns who will die in their cribs from neglect. The power company, the food supply, all that shit.

     I just gotta’ keep driving. Driving west. I don’t even want to think about how much blood’s already been spilled in Disneyland.

     Maybe I’ll just skip California.