OUR DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE

70,000 filberts

A tanker truck of vodka, a tanker truck of Kahlua

One dodo (we know for a fact that they are not extinct and the government has been breeding them)

The Elephant Man’s bones in a glass casket

A eucalyptus tree

The release of Bob Acres (Plaid Hood) from Starlin Correction Facility

The eyelash from a palomino

Blueprints to the White House

14 bags of circus peanuts

A copy of the Koran

A working replica of the robot butler from the 80’s TV show, "That’s My Motherboard"

Two oil drums of bear grease

The ponytail from 70’s action hero Hud Gamble

The first draft of the screenplay to "Lucifer’s Tarantella"

All of the B-Rad Boyz’s solo albums

     When all of these requests are met, the President’s husband will be returned. If the list is not followed to the letter, things could get unusual.




-SLL